
I see you!
You are trying SO HARD to get well.
You start the day with good intentions, and then by the end of the evening, your plans have gone AWOL. Your trigger foods/drinks (you know what they are), have crept out of the cupboards, and although you intended to have ‘just the one’, it ended up being the whole packet/bottle/family pack or more. The next morning you wake up full of guilt and remorse, determined that today is a fresh start, and nothing will get in your way. But it’s like groundhog day, and the same habits repeat themselves, over and over again.

Do you find that your mind goes into overwhelm?
“It’s all too difficult”
“I’m never going to manage it”
“there’s no point”.
Do you add in a hefty dose of self-flagellation, of not being good enough, telling yourself that you are useless, lack willpower and discipline?
Seriously now, is that how you would talk to your own child? If your child found learning a new skill difficult, would you be verbally abusive? No. I didn’t think so. But that’s what this behaviour to yourself amounts to. Abuse. Think about it. You are learning a new skill. You are learning to take care of a human, that, up till now, you haven’t properly looked after (i.e. you!) and it takes time to get to know them. To recognise habits, triggers, stressors etc and to prioritise your own needs and values. And to top it all, there are outside influences, such as people, places and cultures, to throw you off balance.
Looking after yourself isn’t selfish. As an adult you have a responsibility to learn to care for YOUR human body, just as you would your own child. It’s an essential life skill if you want to thrive, rather than survive.
So, let’s get back to why you go ‘off piste’.

The all seeing eye, doesn't always see
Look how big the iris is compared to pupil! This illustrates that 95% of our daily decisions and choices are made through the subconscious. In other words, for most of our day, we are running on autopilot. We do things, and we don’t have to think about them, such as driving a car, riding a bike....opening the fridge door...finishing off a packet of biscuits. It’s second nature. Compare that to the feeling of when we were learning to drive? We had to think about every single action we took…
Mirrors.
Signal.
Manoeuvre.
It was hard work!
The little green pupil in the centre illustrates just how little of our daily choices are conscious. Just 5% of our day!
So you can see why it is so easy to get thrown off our goals?

Just as your pupils dilate in the dark, you can learn to increase awareness of what you are doing and why
Creating a pause, before you do something, gives you the opportunity to observe your thoughts and feelings.
Where in your body is this feeling manifesting?
Is your heart racing?
Are your hands trembling?
Does your neck, chest or stomach feel tight?
Are you fearful, happy, sad, anxious, excited or overwhelmed?
Those feelings are anchored in self-limiting beliefs:
Anger is rooted in a belief of powerlessness.
Shame and guilt from a belief that we lack of self worth.
Fear from a lack of safety.
Emptiness from believing we are not good enough.
Even though you are probably not aware of it at the time, before every feeling, there comes a thought, because feelings are the felt part of thought. and the good thing is, that thoughts are transitory. We can learn to watch them like clouds passing in the sky.
When you become more conscious. More present. You can then decide whether you want to make a ‘towards move’, or an ‘away move’. In other words, towards what you value, or away from what you value.
You get to choose!
But of course, you need to know what you really value, and if you have been a busy people pleaser for so long, helping others and not caring for yourself, you may not be clear on what those values are. You may think you do, such as ‘I want to lose weight’, but where does that desire really come from? If it’s the fear of not being good enough, then that’s not a value, it’s a goal where your self validation is formed from external forces.
To know what you really and truly value, means that you need to start noticing how you think and feel about people, places and things. It also means that you need to be open to try new approaches, such as being willing to slow down, to be present, because constant busyness can be a way of avoiding working on self.
And, just like learning to drive takes practice, so too does staying in the 'present.'
If you only do the same things that you’ve always done, nothing will change. But, if you are ready and willing, I can help you. I’m dropping a link below just in case.
Until next time,
Sending love,
Ali xxx
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